room-mates crisis..

Right now all I hear is fighting and non stop Eminem. Eathlings save me from this horrible experience, if Shane doesn't stop singing it out loud to her.  I think we all get it. I don't think him and babycakes are going to last honestly in my professional opinion they fight then make up sex then fight its a cycle, a  cycle of hell for trev and I and whoever is around. This is kind of a test for all of us for when we move in together. I don't understand why everyone can't be peaceful !!!!!! Anyways earthlings off to deal with these people who are soon to be officially my roomates.. -_-

Life Is Silly

Fellow Earthlings!

I apologize for the nineteen day wait. I probably should be writing more, but I haven't been, and I really can't change the past. So anyways I have a few things to update you all on and some things to get off my chest that these past nineteen days have cherished me with.

So my last post was a bit of a downer (what a shocker), I was feeling sorry for myself, and lots was going on. I talked to Oliver (le boyfriend) about his horrific ex girlfriend (okay she isn't that bad but just go with it).
We talked, or well I talked he listened, I basically told him, "I'm way to insecure about him staying friends and that if he wanted to stay friends with her that it was either  HER or ME. Let's just say I won that. I hate telling him who he can and cant be friends with and I am serious I'm not one of those whinny jealous girlfriends that needs to suck the life out of their boyfriends.  I swear I'm not! Its just with this certain situation we are in, it makes me feel like I can trust him more when he isn't with her. To Update you and if you think I'm horrible and have no morals let me remind you, I waited 2.5 years for him to break up with her! but loved him for 3 years. He was dating my ex best friend. She sucked the life out of him, I took him away from her while he stayed with her. Then he got caught lying to her and vawla I have my loving Oliver.
I can say honestly I love him and know he loves me very much. And even though we have pretty much just jumped into a full on relationship, we have been able to manage pretty well.

Now that situation is done and hopefully over with I do not want her in my life anymore, I have finally deleted her numbers from my phone and switched her out of my fav 10 (:! Life I find is silly in a bunch of ways I must confess. She used to be one of my most bestest friends in the whole wide world for more than 4 years, finally I am able to be me and not worry about her or her wishywashy friendship she offered me.

Now for one of the best things that I think I actually wish I could scream to all of you, just so you can understand my excitement. I have turned 18 which means I am technically a young adult, and if you know me personally you know that since a young age at least age 7, I've always wanted to move out at age 16.  Well now 16 hit and I still am living at home.  But because of my best friend Shane's Father who inherited a good amount of money from his mother, He has bough a Trailer for Shane. Thankfully Shane and Oliver are best friends and Shane loves me like a sister as I do to him as a brother. Oliver and I are MOVING OUT! yes I actually mean I Samantha Margaret Rose am Moving out of my childhood home for the first time! This Wednesday we all go check out the trailer, all we need to do now is sign the papers and that is our brand new home.  (: Shane, Oliver, and I have also a new roommate as well she's my Baby Cakes Harmony, Shane's new girlfriend. (: For the fact I've only known her for nineteen days (yes I met her on my birthday) we get along very well, I think she is wonderful and hope to god Shane keeps her.

Now for the dirty stuff like work and school. I have two jobs at the moment and also bronchitis, I have missed about a month of school pretty much which really isn't helping me and I am super close to being kicked out I think. Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor and once I get some meds on tuesday I am going in and working my ass off. Now With work...  Two Jobs... Dollarama and A&W. I know legally I'm not aloud to talk about them, or what not like bash them and I am not going to.  But boy do I love working at Dollarama they always put me on main Cashier which is a amazing thing because they think I do well with cash, but with A&W I am unreliable and pretty much being replaced says my boss. Which is understandable because I do get sick a lot and am the number one person who calls in sick all the time. So they literally give me no shifts at all.  Which is why I am thinking its time for me to move on...  maybe soon. I've been working there for two year as of may. I love my bosses their great and understanding it's just when you work at the same place and its not really something you enjoy doing (honestly hate coming home smelling like burgers and grease), you tend to lose interest and the job gets boring.  And I am starting to get another shift added onto my other scheduled at dollarama which is great. But I am still concerned because I am moving out on my own and I will need the money but if I don't get any shifts at one then what is the point of working there, plus something always comes up and I don't go in. So I have a bit of a dilemma but I am seriously thinking about it.

Well my fellow earthlings I think you are pretty caught up to speed of what I have been dealing with these past couple weeks, and it is basically 3am and I do have to go to the doctors appointment in the morning, so I think I'm going to head to bed and sleep for a couple hours.... I almost forgot the number one newest thing and kind of whimsical thing i did.. (: I have PINK hair.

 Well good night my lovely's, have a wonderful sleep and don't let the bed bugs bite (:

the one and only
Samantha Margaret Rose

I hate my birthday.

Fellow Earthings,

Today I am 18 as of 39 minutes ago my birthday has beguine and in that 39 minutes I came to the realization I hate my birthday the most and why so far it sucks.

(sorry if i sound whiny and feeling sorry for myself in just in one of those moods).
1. I never get gifts on my birthday, they either come before or days or weeks after my actual birthday
2: This year we combined my birthday with Easter AGAIN my whole life combined with Easter with one set of grandparents.
3: past 3 years the SAME BITCH keeps ruining it!
4: my boyfriend still LOVES THAT BITCH.
5: I'm pushing him away already within a month of being together and already through so much I put my big ass wall up. So I dont get anymore closer.
6: I work the night of my 18th birthday.
7: I just want to cry my eyes out.

I  dont know what it is with my birthdays but they always come up with a bigger number and a suckier birthday every year.

What is My Purpose?

How am I supposed to be strong when nobody is willing to help me?  In less that 3 months I will be considered an adult and, I know I am not ready. Because my mind frame is somewhere completely off track, its in the clouds I think. I've asked more than one person to help me, they all keep denying me help... I need help.

 I recently removed someone who was a big part in my life for a very long time. We had different ideas of what a "FRIEND" should be. I don't feel bad that I cut her out of my life. But I miss her with all my might. I don't want to be friends with her though not again. . . not this time.

I also recently lost my Great Grandmother I wasn't close to her but I loved her. I was the bell of the ball in her eyes.

 I feel alone like everything is leaving me. I don't know who I am I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I just want to do nothing but sleep.  I want to be able to close my eyes and never wake up. I guess I want to be like Sleeping Beauty minus the beauty part.  Or the Part where the prince comes in and kisses her on the lips and she wakes up. That whole scene can disappear can I can be asleep forever.

Sometimes I wonder why I was born, what was the point? To make me feel all this pain, all this suffering, what is my purpose?

To Eat or Not To Eat.

Fellow Earthlings.

Sometimes I wonder weather I'm just a waste of fucking space in my house. I always try to make my Dad happy with not touching 'his' food or anybody else's.  To fill you in and make this a short post because I actually want to watch a movie instead of bitch (no offence to my blog), I don't eat much I rarely eat and when I do eat I get in shit for eating.  I eat maybe one meal a day if I'm in the mood. I have headaches from not eating and I hate eating because of the shit I get into for eating.  For example. the past weekend I can name everything I've eaten. Friday. I had a small fries and a piece of chicken. Saturday I had maybe a bite of spaghetti maybe. Now Sunday I had a small soup and a burger I made at work because I had a major headache and I was going hurl if I didn't eat something. Now That isn't a lot considering I'm 17 and a big girl. If you saw me you would probably think wow she's a fatty she needs to stop eating. I've heard that a Million times, and worst part is I don't eat. I've been called everything from Hoover to Lard ass. Some of the names like hoover from family members.  Now Today I haven't eaten much all weekend I have a killer headache and I'm super nauseous so my mom made me a turkey sandwich. I ate it, of course its yummy and it had Sprouts in it. so I go Make myself a second one ( we buy the lunch meat that has two sides, so one side is almost empty so I finish that side off). now just as I finish making my second sandwich my Fucking ass hole of a father walks in. as I walk out. and he looks at the turkey bag of meat and Screams ALL THAT MEAT FOR ONE SANDWICH?!  I can't stress to you how much this made me want to throw up. I rarely eat and he has the balls to say this to me. Now As I write this I have a very well made yummy ass sandwich next to me I don't want to eat it now. I was all gun ho to eat it before he said that.  I wish for once I could eat something, and people wouldn't make a fucking big deal.  

I miss you Bro

Fellow Earthlings.

Today is another night on which I lay in bed with me, myself and, I, (oh and Dasher snoring under the blankets).  I am doing what I do every night stalking old friends on facebook.  This one person in particular tonight, mostly because I miss him more than everybody else I've been friends with. 

I met him grade 5 or 6 I can't remember we've known each other for years. He was my best guy friend and kinda still is if you count not speaking to him in literally months, I try calling and calling, and I've tried messaging him, but he won't message me back. I miss him so much it hurts because I know we used to be so close until I switched schools.

From grade 8-middle of 11 he was the only boy I would hug and feel okay with. He was the sweetest guy unless there was something wrong which 99.9% of the time I knew there was something wrong. because we were that close. For the longest time I loved him more than a best friend, and maybe a little of me still does, but I grew up and realized we would and could only be friends. 

But I miss him so much it aches. I wish I could speak to him and even hang out because he's always been a big part of my life for so long. Now I feel like I'm missing such a huge part of my life without him. It's crazy I know because he's one of my only true friends that I've had for so long and we never really fought about anything but small things... 

I miss you man. and No this isn't my undying love for him or anything just a big empty missing of my best guy friend. I haven't seen him in so long I really and truly miss his skinny blonde ass. 

Future

Earthlings.

I'm one of those people that have no idea what I want to do with my life after high school. I've thought about it and have gone through fazes of what I want to do. For the longest time I wanted to be a teacher. But every time I start to think 'i won't do well at that or I will fail miserably.'  I also get put down a lot when I tell people about what I want to do, 'you really think you can do that' is the most common one I hear, mostly from family.

Its hard to know what I want to do because there are so many things out there.  It's difficult to choose at such a young age.  I know people who still have no idea what they want to do occupational wise and are in their 30's, 40's. My parents being a prime example. I know there is no rush, but lately with this being my final year of "high school" and having to think more and more about what I want to do after high school has got  me a tad down.

I always thought when I was younger I would be a teacher no joke, then I wanted to be a lawyer, but soon when school started to become a problem I realized I'd be in school to long for both, and school is really a bad thing for me. Then I started to think maybe a baker or cook. But by the time I thought of this I was in the middle of high school with no cooking classes. So Baking went out the small window.

Lately I started to think if I don't know what I'm going to do for a occupation I won't have a future. and yes I know there is more to life then just work, like family and traveling. I want to travel but I don't want to do a job where I travel because I'd only see the inside of hotels and airports. and Family, I'm never getting married, if I do get married it'll be a miracle, and kids I want but I would need to support them some how.

I don't want a job I hate. I see all these older people like my parents and grandparents that have jobs they put up with because they needed money to survive. I want something I love to do and wouldn't mind doing 5 days a week or more. I want to be able to enjoy my job, like my boss and A&W does. She honestly enjoys what she does, and it makes her happy. I don't want to work at A&W the rest of my life..

Lately though I've been thinking Wedding Planner or even Party Planner because I'm a good organizer, and I love planning things. I've planned about 3 different parties for family. All of them were surprise parties. I think they all turned out pretty well. But I don't know, like I said I start to doubt myself. Sometimes I wish I have super Confidence in myself so I could stick to one thing and know what I have in store for my future....