Troubles.

Dear Fellow Earthlings,

I have landed on my home planet as of last Friday. My Magical vacation to the Planet of Walt Disney has come to an end, sadly, yet not to sadly.

It was amazing there magical yet tiring, we all kept saying 'we need a vacation from our vacation'. We were always on the move but not the point to what I am writing today. Even though I do owe you fellow earthlings a great detailed blogged out day by day detail by detail post of the amazing adventures of Mickey Mouse and the gang. But I am to preoccupied with other things on my mind to write about that.

You could say I have trouble opening up around people, I am what you would call shy, (unless Otherwise subjected to certain substances). Sometimes it helps protect me from getting hurt, but sometimes I feel it keeps me from feeling certain things.

To be brutally honest I crave love (no not just the intimate, sweaty type. Though it would be a plus). The thing that keeps me from being emotionally available is my wall. The wall I built from the age of 6 to now.
There is this one guy. He was my first kiss, and I still speak to him, see him on occasion. But things never worked out the first time, and he's been through so much. I'm afraid to open up to him. When I'm around him, I act bitchy not because I want to be a bitch to him. I think its to keep me safe to know I won't get hurt at all.

The thing about that is. I used to like him SO much.  Way back then he chose someone else, the circumstances were different back then but when he did that, it broke my heart. It took me a long time even though on the outside I acted like it was fine. But it hurt and it took me a good long time to stop caring about what he was doing.

Now though he is coming back into my life a little. He's a player per-say, he has a new girlfriend every week. Its hard to let him in even a little because I am to afraid he will hurt me a little. I just wish I could see into the future to know how things are going to turn out.....